Ah, the glamour and beauty of 5 star hotels, royal palaces and VIP events. Everything must be so charming and pristine in such fine establishments, right?!
…Pshhh, WRONG! Welcome to the WONDERFUL world of hospitality, where, as an employee, you are fortunate enough to gain your own VIP access to the not-so-glamorous-or-beautiful behind the scenes side of these seemingly divine venues. As you are probably aware, I am one of these fortunate employees here in London at the moment. As you are probably not aware, all of the following:
1. You might go for several days in a row without seeing daylight. Especially in London where the sun sets, like, before it has time to even fully rise.
2. Polishing glasses is an art, people. A FREAKING ART.
3. Your bottle opener will become your new best friend. That must be why they call it a “waiter’s friend” LOL sewww clever!
4. You might see your biggest, hottest, dreamiest celebrity crush at an event, but you must serve them as you would any other mere mortal, and restrain yourself from melting into a puddle on the cold hard ground. LITERAL. TRAGEDY.
5. If you’re a guy, don’t even think about showing up to a shift without having shaved every last fucking hair off your face.
6. And if you’re a girl, and there is one measly strand of hair hanging out of your tight-ass donut bun, you better pray to the gods of grooming that someone has hairspray in their bag.
7. This scenario:
*Shift scheduled to finish at midnight*
Manager: “Don’t worry, you guys will definitely be out early tonight!”
*1am and guests still ordering drinks from you* -__-
8. You arrive at a barista shift only to find out that “barista” actually means doing all the bitch work while someone else makes the drinks.
9. Don’t be surprised if you receive an email from the head office being like “soz for the short notice n’ stuff, but all your shifts this week have been cancelled lolz” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
10. Old people drink a lot of wine. A LOT.
11. It’s possible you might find yourself working a 12 hour shift with no break. And the worst part? They will still probably take half an hour off your pay. But the thing is, you are pretty much powerless to do anything about it so yeah…
12. There is no better feeling in the world than when your manager lets you eat the leftover canapes. Pure bliss.
13. And there is no shittier feeling in the world than watching a tray full of perfectly edible extra canapes get wastefully chucked into the bin. wHYyyYy?!?!
14. If you can master the 5-plate clear, you are basically a wizard.
15. You could never have possibly imagined how irritating it is when someone who didn’t order a vegetarian meal has the nerve to ask for a vegetarian meal. CHUTZPAH I tell you!
16. Your new wardrobe will likely consist of black button-up shirts, black business trousers, and…. yup, that’s about it.
17. If you are working a cloakroom shift and don’t wish to die of boredom, remember to bring a phone charger.
18. Serve from the left side, clear from the right side. It’s a way of life, apparently.
19. Chefs can either be extremely lovely, or extremely grumpy. No middle ground.
20. Safe to say you will never look at a 5-star hotel, wedding reception, or any event venue for that matter, the same way ever again.
Preach, Harry. PREAAACH.